Dear Gas Company Customer "Service"

It's fitting that the first new post of my new Blog is about something that pisses me off, as that seemed to be the overriding theme of most of the posts on my previous blog.

And boy howdy, I am pissed off.

First off, a little background.

As many of you may already be aware, I have been without a roommate for some time now, and have had to let some bills go by the wayside in favor of little extravagances like food and rent. The gas bill was the first to go followed shortly by the cable and internet.

I know what you're going to ask, "Gas bills are like $10 bucks a month, how could you not afford that?"

Well, as it turns out, unlike the cable bill and the internet, or the electricity for that matter, the gas company doesn't seem to mind if you don't pay your bill for months and months on end, and so I didn't, until it became too much to pay all at once for someone who was barely making ends meet.

So they shut my gas off. I only really used it for cooking anyway, and didn't really mind because I eat many meals over at my girlfriend's house, and have managed to make some pretty decent food using only my microwave and my toaster oven.

Well recently got a roommate, and so I decided it was time to get the gas back on, so I could use the stove again.

Getting it sorted out was easy, I did it online and set up an appointment to get the gas switched on.

A few things here starting the pissing in the piss Jonathan off festival.

Number one, the first appointment was four days after I set things up, and it was an "all day window" where the dude could show up any time between 7am and 5pm.

10 hours! TEN FUCKING HOURS to wait for the dude to show up and switch the gas on.

Remember how appointments worked in the good old days? I mean, they were appointments for fuck's sake! This isn't an appointment at all, this is, WAIT ALL FUCKING DAY for the dude to show up.

Number two, why do they need me to be here to turn the shit on in the first place? They didn't need me to be here to shut it off. I just came home one day to find a red notice of shame hanging on my doorknob. Now they need to make sure an adult will be home between the hours of whenever to whenever to do what? Turn something on outside?

FUCK!

So I settled for waiting another few days so I could narrow the window down to four hours, between 8am and 12pm. At least it wasn't all goddamned day!

Which leads me to today.

Today was to have been the day.

But alas, it was not.

See, I was in the East Annex of my palatial 30 room mansion in a sound proof vault immersed in my sensory deprivation tank listening to grunge metal at full volume with earplugs in when the gas dude came by to turn the gas back on, and naturally I didn't hear him, and he left.

Wait, wait, actually now that I think about it I was in my bedroom which is - hang on let me count this out - eleven steps from my chair in front of this very computer to the front door of my teeny two bedroom apartment, and I was listening intently for the gas dude's arrival.

I heard something outside and decided it could be him, so I went to the door to check, only to find a "Sorry We Missed You" sign hanging from my doorknob.

FUCKING GODDAMN FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMNED FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!

I look at the time, and he had been there less than 10 minutes before, I missed him knocking by less than ten minutes before, and I knew before I even reached for my phone that I was fucked for at least another few days until they could schedule another "appointment."

So I called customer "service" and am immediately treated to the very helpful robot voice that wants to know why I am calling and offers me a number of options, none of which are, "If the fucking service tech knocked like a little weak old lady before leaving, press 2."

And it's the voice "recognition" type of system that I just hate with the burning of a thousand hot suns. I start screaming, "Operator!" over and over until the helpful robot obliges and connects me to a customer "service" representative line, which is answered by another robot that tells me that everyone there is busy.

When finally connected to a human being, I am treated to the minimum of service that basically is the equivalent of someone going, "Sucks to be you dickhead, you're fucked!"

The dude offers to help me by setting another "appointment" for a week from today. Something I could have done on my own with the computer. I ask to speak to the guys supervisor who says the best she can do is register a complaint with the service tech's supervisor and have him call me back. I ask, "Is this going to get my gas turned on any quicker than a week from today?"

"Nope. You missed your appointment, so you have to go to the back of the line again."

The first person I spoke to told me this too, that I missed my appointment.

I MISSED my appointment? What the fuck? No, the truth is, the fucking appointment missed me!

This is my problem with the new way businesses do appointments in general. I was sitting in my room, eleven steps from the door and I didn't hear the guy knock. It's a four hour fucking window! What if I had to take a shit? I am supposed to just hold it? When my next appointment day comes I am going to sit in the doorway with the door open and just wait for him. I will put a bucket there so I don't have to leave for anything!

The service tech's supervisor called me back and said the dude knocked three times, and even called out "GAS COMPANY" several times before leaving. He said that the gardener was here and witnessed the entire thing, like I am going to track down my building's gardener to verify the story.

The worst part of the whole damn situation is the feeling of impotence it causes in me. I can't do anything about it. The customer "service" blamed me for the fuck up and offered no help, let alone "service" whatsoever. The field supervisor believed his tech's story, and also offered nothing even in the way of an apology.

I fucked up because I wasn't sitting next to the open front door with a shit bucket.

Well, I will know better next time.

P.S. Anyone have a shit bucket I can borrow before next Monday?